Self Esteem

You have started recording and uploading my videos and others have also started doing the same … I talk in different styles at different places.

Many people watch it keenly, they phone call me and say that Dr. Shahb you sometimes talk about a lady doctor and tell different names regarding her… I am also compelled towards her … she is cautious about not telling her name… so somewhere Maina/Naina or somewhere you say Mamoona or sometimes you say your sister was ill and this happened… Sometimes you say you got pricked by a needle or sometimes you say … that lady doctor was conducting dua for some other patient of hepatitis B and I scolded her as I was her senior that what are you doing… so how is this possible?

And sometimes you say I went to Red light area and met Baba g 

During his physical existence Baba had strongly forbidden me from telling his name 

And when I met him while I was stuck… Even 1 year before that I had met him at Data Sahab but I was strongly forbidden to narrate about that meeting… I didn’t know at that time who or what he was … that is a separate story… He used to forbade me from narrating this story to anyone … so that …some other time 

So, all conversations that I told you through different ways that have so many names of hidden people

Now I got caught openly, and have to perform openly.

Elite people have elite tantrums. When they have high ranks then orders are to get their veils high … so I can’t say that

So I am the one who is wrong,I am playing frauds, I narrate false stories so it’s obvious that the lair doesn’t remember what he said in the morning or then in the evening. So you leave my meeting with Baba g, leave this thing that whether or not I met Baba g. 

It is possible that during his life I was the one hitting him with stones, or made fun of the name KAKI TARR. but do wht I am saying now that listen to Surah AlRehman, do the dua… Leave me, Dont entangle in my business. I am liar and I am admitting this. I am saying this today on camera , in front of everyone, there is no lie bigger than me in this universe.

I am a lie … white or not you guys watch that. I am a bit wheatish or tanned. So I am not… I am liar.

And others were saying that you have attained high spiritual levels. Look at my hands. No one knows about life so I am saying this on record that I am not the one with highly attained spiritual levels. I had tried to reach during life but fell very bad or was made to fall. So I am from the  fallen ones. 

Because of embarrassment I could not even tell that I have returned from spiritual levels.

Allah handed over the entire heaven and only said that Don’t commit this and we did that thing the very first moment. So were made to fall and were told to stay down there. 

So consider me an ordinary man.

I remember that lady who questioned me that: “which act of Baba g impressed you?  What Supernatural Occurance did you see?” I had neither seen any Supernatural Occurance from Baba g nor do I believe in any of it. The tremendous miracles Hazrat ‘Isa (A.S) and Hazrat Musa (A.S) have shown, people didn’t even believe that. 

They hanged one of them and left the other several times as when He (A.S) went to offer prayer and companions of Hazrat Musa (A.S) used to disappear. Whenever He (A.S) descended down mount sinai there used to be a new tale.  

Otherwise there were several miracles.

Hazrat ‘Isa (A.S) was a complete miracle himself from his birth and onwards what did people believe. And who’s did they treat Him (A.S).

So a Supernatural Occurance is a lesser thing in comparison.Connect with the Benevolent Instead and ask for his Benevolence.

In love (ISHQ) the desire to have Supernatural Occurance is Haram.

If you get connected with the Benevolent then Supernatural Occurance would b the dust of your feet.

Anyhow, it was not long since I met Baba, so today I will tell the real event .. I have briefed it down when I narrated it earlier that I was driving the car although at that time I didn’t know how to drive car I say so to brief it down.

Baba g used to call Kamran (Kami, my youngest brother) MY DRIVER was driving the car, Baba g was sitting in front and I was sitting at the back. 

We came from the side of Red light area, Lady Willingdon and we took a turn as Baba g had to come our home. 

Whenever Baba g wanted to hide from the world or wanted to take some rest then He used to come our home that He named as PAGAL KHANA (mental asylum).

He used to say to my mother that entitle a plate of PAGAL KHANA (mental asylum) outside of your home. I don’t know what He meant but he used to say that “I  was looking for 1 of your kind ( pagal) but ended up finding the whole home like you.”

But when other people used to argue with him that Baba g we were looking for you for several days. He used to say that I have no idea which drug this Pagal Doctor gives me … I can’t sleep anywhere, can’t find peace anywhere, maximally 2-4 minutes and Baba gets up … but I don’t know what these pagal do with me that Baba keeps sleeping for 3 days.

And used to argue with him that “ Baba g do you come here to sleep?” We would ask him something and he would keep on sleeping.

He had chosen a room up stairs, and would come saying where is Baba’s portal (Astana)? And Baba g would go to portal (Astana).

He had his own whim… anyhow hardly 2 months had passed since We met Him. 

And yes he was Baba g and I was a renowned Doctor , an arrogant doctor at that time serving for Ittefaq Hospital and if you would say I’ll tell those stories as well that how arrogant I was. 

Miyan Shareef sahab won’t take medicine without asking me. He would gather prescriptions from around the world and would secretly say  that these are not my prescriptions but of prime minister’s father, tell me which medicine should be taken from these.

Me an arrogant Rajpoot would point out that these are medicines for heart while rest are Fancy drugs.These was a Dr. Tousi from England, one prescription was from a foreigner some from Lahore’s well known doctors. One was from my head of the department, Moazam Ali Mirza who is my teacher, a renowned doctor.Although he had all these prescriptions still we used to ask me may be he had a certain IQ. 

He had noticed that entire hospital’s staff would line up to meet him. He used to wear shalwar and half sleeved dress shirt, was short heightened. This was the dressing of Miyan Shareef, he was a dervish kind of a man. I was heightened and he had to jump to talk that was his style of conversation so he had noted while coming to ICU that this person remains engaged with his work and is arrogant so may be he thought that he may advice me impartially.

So after completing the round he would ask me to spare a minute and would join me in my office meanwhile MS and the rest of hospital’s staff would be shivering, thinking that Javed Sahab is an informer and Miyan Sahab is taking hospital’s report that added upto my respect. 

He did this 2-3 times during the time span of 10 years that He would take out 3-4  prescriptions saying that these are not my prescriptions but of prime minister’s father, tell me which medicine should be taken from these. He was a footloose person. 

So I used to tell him and he would ask me to write medicines on a plane paper, put it in his pocket and thank me.Hospital’s staff would fear me thinking I am some special person of Miyan Sahab irrespective of the fact that he might not know even my name. 

But I had my arrogance that I was advising over the prescriptions of my own professors.

The ICU skill was what my teachers had taught me… but got attached with Baba g because of my own issue. We used to go with Baba g on Patrol(GASHT). It was 10-11am and we had to go to Model Town and we got an idea in only 2nd or 4th time in a month that we won’t  reach model town in half an hour it is possible that we might not reach  model town till 6pm.

Baba G would say turn here or stop there and would go to some newspaper’s office and would talk to some with love and to others he would show his stick. If someone would ask him what’s this? He would replay saying this is”ZULFIQAR” (no idea what that meant) or sometimes He would say that this is the “FIRST SWORD OF ISLAM”. Then I found out that swords of wood were used during the Battle of Badr. 

Or sometimes He would say that this is Weapon. And if He would come across a preacher kind of a person He would say that this is also SUNNAH. We have to fulfill atleast a SUNNAT. You have grown a long beard and I am holding a stick. Many lovely answers He had.

So this was not compulsory that if Baba g is taking us, we can reach Model town at once or get to my home.He might reach by evening doing several chores along the road. 

Although if anyone calls me during that for dua, Baba g would ask that person to get to your home as Baba is also coming there. Similarly, if he gets call,  he would tell them, that I am with insane doctor(Pagal Dr) going to his home, you also come there. Family would know by that time that Baba g is coming and people are gathering there, my wife would prepare tea for them all. She only had this arguement with Baba g all her life that by the time I get free, you go to sleep.

She would serve guests and Baba g after telling, may go for exhortation in Secretariat or Court or anywhere along the way. The Patrol(GASHT) had just started, we had to go to Model town , Kami (Kamran) was driving and I was at the back seat and it was raining. Winter rain results in more chilly weather, it doesn’t washes dirt as such… creating a sorrowful atmosphere.

As soon as we turned from Laddy Willingdon towards Datta Sahab, an old man of 60-70 years, wearing an old Pant,Coat but he had carried  his sense of style. 

Now he was getting soaked in rain and looking here and there out of concern for conveyance.We both (brothers) had this habit.Kami (Kamran) stopped the car near him, (he was standing on walkway). I opened car’s door and said to him that: “come inside  the car.” 

(He paused there, he was holding a torn umbrella so he was getting wet.) 

He refused saying your car will disfigure.

Tonga would be coming in sometime, I have to go to Bhatti, Lohari.I replied: “ you come along as we are going there.”

He refused saying your car will disfigure.

(Means he had this status). Baba g like a heron, is sitting in front holding his stick. We used to call him that. He used to say that himself: “Beta Baba (My Child)! Be a heron otherwise you’d get caught.” 

No idea what that meant! So, he was acting like a heron, silent, indifferent to what activity you have started.Now, when I asked again to the same elderly person. He said that I am all wet and your car will get dirty.

A few drops were already dripping on the seat so I smiled and said: “ The car is getting wet anyways, join us as.”

The poor thing was forced so he joined us. I remember it even today that he sat in such a small place even in the car, so it would get wet as little as possible.He kept blessing us. He was Urdu speaking, may be had Suffered from the heat and cold of time, he kept on saying you gave an undue favour.I told him that we are going to the same area. 

He said about weakness of bones and abused something about his body.

Anyways when we reached Bhatti Chowk, we were supposed to go straight towards Model Town, But Kamran turned the car towards Lohari.He said: “where you guys have to go?” I replied: “ we are going to this side.” Although we didn’t have to go there. 

That was hardly 1 km, turned the car, reached there and from far away he started calling out referring to stuffed horses there that drop me here, that is my house in front. 

There were small houses in front of the mosque. I remember that a sackcloth was hanging in front of the door, but in the middle there was a large side road, so he was saying just drop me here and I’ll go now.

But it was a heavy rain. Kamran stopped the car right in front of him door. He got out of car, blessed us a lot but was not going indoor now rather standing there thanking us. Baba g remained silent during this whole time. 

Kamran was about to take a UTurn now, as we have to come back, so Baba g suddenly put his hand on his shoulder and said: “ Drive the car straight.” We went straight, since Baba g didn’t speak so we crossed Lakshmi Chowk, Circular Road, Do Moriya Pull(name of a bridge) and reached Railway Station.Now I asked from back, as I thought Baba g might have fallen asleep so I should remind him that where we need to go. So I said:”Baba g! where we need to go?” He replied: “ wow (my child)! We have to go to Model Town, we are  going to your home.”

I said: “ Baba g! We needed to go to Model Town from Bhatti Chowk, where have you come in such a rush.” He said:” I said so because of that elderly man.” So I got kept quiet for a few moments. I was also a preacher(Moulvi) from inside so, I replied: “ since I lied that we have to come to this side, so you probably thought the my lie should become truth so I don’t end up committing a sin.”

Baba g sometimes used to get annoyed. So He said: “What do I care of your good and evil?, lie and truth. I said because of him, that poor man's self-esteem was about to plummet.” 

I got numb, got quite, no idea if we’ll ever meet that person ever that his ego would get hurt or his self-esteem would plummet, or he would be reminded of our favour that we came here because of him. I used to do this often even offer lifts now as well , but definitely would turn my car back in front of him so he would know I came here. Although I don’t want anything from him but the purpose is that next time he should also behave like this like if they have to go 2-4 km away they should go. 

And sometimes I don’t even drop sometimes most of you when have to return back at night tell that you don’t have conveyance and I ask you to call Careem(cab).Because now I’m in search of Kareem, everyone has his own Kareem. So, I don’t do it now. Anyways, then they’ll reply smiling that I also have a car. All with me are tricksters. They dodge.

So this act of Baba g that his self esteem will plummet. After this I neither thought anything about Baba g, nor bothered to weigh any of His words. I felt so small in front of him just because of this act. I had read it even in Quran that Don’t Remind after doing favour.

Universities, parents, society and teachers did educate about this. But at such a fine level, we don’t even know that person and don't know if we will meet again still his self esteem shouldn’t be hurt. Although somehow he’s come under the burden of kindness still after that the way Baba taught us this was a huge Supernatural Thing for me.

The application of Quran (that is the greatest miracle of the universe of Prophet Muhammad PBUH)in practical life that He made us understand  was enough to stun me or to surprise me. Shams threw all the books of Rumi into water. So that day I understood what was the real light and what is Wisdom or plenteous good? 

Being arrogant just by passing a few subjects of medicine and by reading the books written by others that we have a lot of knowledge whereas being a wise man himself and then sharing that wisdom is something else.So this act of Baba g … if you ask me that which act of Baba g got you to affix with him? I havent joined rather twisted and turned.